What's This? What's This? There's syn-ropanethial-S-oxide in the Air.

Who knew onions are introverts? Not I.

For nearly two months, the onions received all the attention that a vegetable could want: lights, cameras, water. The press gathered frequently around the bulbs and speculated about future success.

The onions were guarded carefully by the armed forces, and were enrolled in a disciplined regiment which required them to measure progress daily.

All this attention, it seems, just forced the onions back into their comfort zone (2-4 inches deep).

Weeks passed and no activity was noted.

Slowly the winds of attention blew over, the press moved on to more exciting stories (jackelopes and motorized couches), and the troops pulled out.

That's when the magic began.

We don't want to count our chemically-induced tear drops prematurely, but things are looking up (or down, depending on what part you eat) for the onions.