Did I say staged? I meant... shoot.
[30 minutes have passed]
Unfortunately, my eraser didn't work on this screen, so anything I type is stuck here for the world to see (though I can't, because the screen is covered in eraser marks).
Anywho...
This footage was taken this past week just moments after we decided to drill down for carrots. The totem pole rattled off a warning, but the lure of "orange gold" was too much. The juice was flowing (yes, we own a Juiceman II), and all was well, up until the totem pole made a snide remark about the size of the carrots. Tyler's temper caught fire, yet his argument was sinking quickly. A skirmish ensued, and a certain wooden figurine took flight for a few glorious seconds. Hope was instilled for a brief moment, before gravity came off conqueror. (See below for interactive map of the spill)
As you can see, it crosses territorial lines, so we're not sure how that will pan out. At this point, we're just trying to avoid a lawsuit.
All the while, poor Dave was caught in the middle of all of this. He didn't pull the carrots, but it was his garden, after all.
No need to worry, though, we've already informed the authorities. Congress is set to show up next January to decide how to proceed from here. Tyler set aside 17 dollars to pay Native Americans for damages done to the wood-carving business, and Kevin Costner sold us a Shop-Vac to clean up the mess.
We estimate there is a 65% chance that 47% of us will be paying higher taxes, and who knows if there will be a moratorium on carrots, radishes, onions, and other deep-rooted plants for the next 6 months.
Either way, the carrots are back in the ground, and judging by the amount of dirt on top of them, we assume they'll stay there for a while.
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