The Parking Lot Garden

A Final Look-See

2010-10-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well, its been good.

The zucchini, that is. And our time together on the blog. But really, the zucchini is delicious.

I can't promise this is the last post, but it is surely somewhere near the end ("Phew, thank you. Finally!" would be the appropriate response).

Just as any good story, though, it wouldn't be finished until we took a look-see at the characters in their post-acting lives (and by acting I mean acting out their lives in peace).

Let us begin with "beloved" Jordan. No one really knows why he obtained a title preceding his name, but it stuck, and he is "beloved" Jordan, not to be confused with Jordan the Beloved, who is another kid in the neighborhood that no one likes.

After we discovered that Jordan had a special interest in one of the winners from the Paint the Garden Extravaganza, he took a back seat in the limelight. In fact, he even avoided some of the lights and cameras, while preferring the action. His interests may have dissolved since then, but his memory lives on in, as does the "Don't Tread on Me" sign and some minerals from the last carrot that he ate from the garden. Last we heard he was learning to ski behind some orange hatchback. Ridiculous! Who would drive an orange hatchback?!

Dave, bless his heart, initially took to extreme sports and is rumored to have a movie in the making involving nitrous and explosives, or one or the other. At some point, though, his adrenaline ran low and he decided to take life slow. He was last spotted blowing milk bubbles and driving a mini-van. Whether this is true or not, we're not absolutely sure, but this picture was purchased from an un-named paparazzi. It is also rumored that Dave recently won a thumb-war with his current landlord, and now holds the rights to make a parkinglotgarden in his new place of residence. Keep your eyes peeled (both for the garden and some old man driving a mini-van under the speed limit).

As for Tyler, he grew a beard, hopped a train, and met some friendly hobos. If this were true, no one would doubt it. Instead, he lives more distant (50 minutes by freight train), though happily, preparing the soil carefully for next spring where he can plant his own Non-Parking-Lot Garden. Word also has it that he may have joined Dave in the big-screen venture or joined the circus. Either is possible. Watch out for the clowns. But really, our inside sources tell us that he has hunkered down somewhere, grown a gnarly beard, and for some reason, continues to lose and then find trinkets and knick-knacks on a daily basis.

And though never mentioned, what about Kory, our 4th roommate? He was always the mysterious one, both to us and the general population. This photo was recently shown on the evening news, as authorities finally cracked down on the culprits for the famed "Christmas Tree Smuggling". I don't know what type of time is associated with a crime like this, but we may likely never see the boy again.

You may remember that a number of plants were transplanted from their original cages. Typically, the wild ones don't do well in captivity, but how about when they are released back into the wild? Tyler adopted all species willing to put down roots in a new home, and a number came off grounded. Strawberries, for example, were a mixed bag. Some picked right up where

they left off and others spent their time lolly-gagging and eventually shriveled and died. It's been rumored, however, that a few of the plants even blossomed this fall, and who knows but that some tiny red berries were consumed by one happy gardener.

What about the zucchini? Lest we forget, he suffered terribly under the gnawing molars of a disreputable doe. He was eaten down and left for dead, but we nursed him carefully through the following months. He was transplanted to Tyler's house, where he took root and took off like a barrel of sea monkeys in the ocean. Some weeks later, just before the frost, he produced this orchestral vegetable and some tasty accompaniments.

Additionally, in spite of being a vegetable, he somehow managed to make it to the polls, early. His only sadness comes from knowing that he won't be around for the presidential elections of 2012. He made us promise, however, that we would support change. We said our vows and cleared our plates of him. No one ever said anything about changing for the better.

How about the potato dogs? You may not remember these, and it is likely, seeing that we never mentioned them. Originally, they were placed as guardians of the apartment complex. We were not allowed to have real dogs, and potato dogs were rumored to work just as well... that is, until they were discovered by real dogs, who ate them in two fell gulps.

Finally, as we shed our final tear, let us remember the onion. For some time, we felt that he failed to grow simply out of spite. "So easy," "the easiest," and "anyone can do it," were all comments made in regards to growing the onion. We considered ourselves failures, but no longer. Just last week, as if he knew the frost was coming, the onion sprouted one more stalk and proclaimed "I am done, already. Just pick me, dang it." So we did.

No Hard Feelings, Just Hard Skin

2010-10-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

On the night of the garden's demise, certain vegetables were spared destruction. Among them were two green tomatoes. We believe they were Better Boys, but we offer no guarantees.

Our dearest Jordan insisted that when placed in a sunny spot, they would eventually ripen. Tyler begged to differ and volunteered to keep them in the sunniest of sunny places until the day when they began to rot. At that point, he vowed to make a rotten green tomato goulash and Jordan would be required to eat it as punishment for wishful thinking. Though none of us know what goulash is, it certainly sounds like punishment in itself, and most certainly would be if made with rotten tomatoes.

Two months have past, and the tomatoes are ripe-ish. No goulash will be made tonight (though possibly tomorrow so that Tyler can reap the reward of his doubt).

Instead, we decided to follow through on the garden's last wish and make a peace offering to the Landlord.

This package went out today.

We made a few assumptions about Mr. Scott, including his name and initials, but I'm sure he'll be happy as soon as he sees how ripe the tomatoes are.

Also included was the following letter:

Dearest Mr. Scott,

We want to begin by saying "no hard feelings." We are well aware of everything that occurred on that bitter summer's night, and no, we're not talking about the temperature. We also are aware of our owners' zeal for the garden and their general feelings of pride in their accomplishments. We acknowledge that this pride may have clashed with that of a certain landlord, and we abstain from making any judgments.

We offer ourselves unto you as a peace offering, as the last of the joyous harvest. Though our skin is wrinkled and old, yet our hearts are warm and red. We represent a summer of labor, a summer of laughs, and a summer of love. We recognize a moment of silence for those who have fallen that we could survive, and pray that their memories and minerals will continue on in the hearts and digestive systems of princes and paupers alike.

May the pollen of Vertumnus forever grace your blossoms.

Signed,

Two ripe tomatoes, (with wishes from the parkinglotgarden)

A Little Misunderstanding

2010-10-13T07:18:00.001-07:00

It still seems strange to me why the owners were so set on the removal of the garden. Being "green" is the cool thing to do, especially if you want government funding (which we didn't want, and would not take because we have something called principles).

This just goes to show how political everything can be. When a group of students growing vegetables threatens your pride with Beta Carotene, Iron AND Folic Acid (had it not been for the Folic Acid, I'm sure we would yet be harvesting our beloved vegetables), you are left with no alternative but dictatorial mandates of destruction.

Sometimes I wonder if it was just a little misunderstanding that caused this.

In the words of Emerson, "Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood."

Yeah, we're going to go with that argument, that we were simply misunderstood.

Nonetheless, we're glad we gardened, and even looking back on these sullen faces, we remember more the happy times, the smiling faces, and the greenest parking spot in the lot.

In spite of all the happenings that fateful night, we still managed to look forward to better times (or at that fat lady standing on top of a building yelling at us). And that is what counts.

Does AD 455 Ring a Bell?

2010-10-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

The other day, a shocking discovery was made. I say this while using passive voice, because we're still not sure who made it or what it was. Regarding the garden, however, we discovered that the parkinglotgarden sign had been removed.

I'm not going to point fingers, but Mark did it. Actually, I don't know who Mark is. I was just throwing that out there to make him feel guilty if there was someone named Mark that actually participated in the vandalism.

Before we go into the gory details, let me give you a brief history of Vandalism. The term originated in 455 AD when the East Germanic tribe, called the Vandals, sacked Rome. The term stuck, carrying with it a connotation of senseless destruction.

Now I don't want to insult anyone's family history, or harass them for attending a certain school (University of Idaho), but was this not a senseless act of destruction?

Where once stood a beautifully hand-crafted (on a machine) sign now sits a hopeless residue of glue, exposed on the brick face like the Emperor in his new clothes. Discovered at the scene of the crime was a shovel, which now sits in custody along with the candlestick, revolver, and Colonel Mustard.

I was raised by a mother that taught me to respect the property of others. I suspect that those who did this were not raised by mothers, but by vandals (either that or by Tasmanian Devils). Yes, the lineage has continued through the ages, bringing with it an inherited mutual disrespect for property. For these raised without mothers (not sure how the line passed on without them, but we'll leave that for a different discussion), we will now cover the basics.

Consider yourself motherized.

Fundraiser Follow-Up

2010-09-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

In the commotion of other events, we almost nearly forgot to do a follow-up on the fundraiser. We covered the lovely painting and showcased some of the dance moves that were dug up from their burial plot deep in the 80's, but we never focused much on the individuals.

As for the winners... well, let us take a moment to highlight these success stories.

Winners:

Spinach: Jess. Of all the winners, she was likely the most excited. It was expected, though, seeing that one serving of spinach contains 145 mcg of Vitamin K. At the time, we suspected there was some type of relationship developing between Jess and our beloved Jordan. It was never disclosed, but we recently stumbled upon this picture, taken from the neighborhood neighbor watcher watch system.

Carrots & Tomato: Ryan. About a week before the demise of the garden, I sent a text message to this lucky man, whose fortune had brought him a double dose of winnings. The text message went as follows: "Dearest Lucky Winner, your tomatoes are ripe and the carrots are ready for the digging."

The immediate response back was "Oh my gosh! I completely forgot! That makes my [year]". The time period may or may not have been changed. Moving on...

JNCO Jean Shorts: For the sake of all those who may be watching, I will not post any pictures of the lucky winner, Mr. D. West, in his new JNCOs. That being said, I have had a small desk come up missing from my house lately, and I have a hunch that it could be hidden somewhere in those deep pockets. As fate has it, we will likely never know.

Lettuce: Now the winner of our lettuce was Ms. Brown in Oregon. Yes, we did have some donations from afar, and by no means were they disqualified from the winnings. Here is a short video of the prize delivery.

And accompanying picture of its receipt

Sprinkler World Paraphernalia: I had long since forgotten who won these prized possessions, until today, when my boss walked in in full Sprinkler World garb. Bless his heart.

A Date with Kory: This may have been the only time Kory, our "other" roommate actually participated in the garden. As for the date, I never knew if anything came of it. Wait, what's that sound? Sounds like bells, lots and lots of bells.

And what about the after-paint funds? As I recall, we were supposed to deliver them to the local food bank. And as I recall, we did.

Working ON trying to become the ultimate...

2010-09-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

Tyler prepping the grill WITHIN the garden so that he can work ON trying to become the ultimate grill-meister AT the source of the food.

We sense that a number of questions have arisen due to this photo. Let us delve into a few with an in-depth analysis.

Q: I don't see any flames, or gas for that matter.

A:You are correct. As noted, Tyler is working on trying to become the ultimate grill-meister. He has not as yet perfected it. Give him a break. Geez.

Q: Is that hat really necessary to grill?

A: Just as Samson had his hair, so Tyler has his hat. It is a mullet in hat form, and hence gives him all manlike powers. Don't even try to seduce him to remove it. He's been growing it far too long.

Q: That apron looks quite feminine. Seems like a grill-meister would have something more manly.

A: No rebuttal.

Q: Are those Great Value beef patties?

A: Yes, and I'll have you know they were a rollback.

Q: Who is peaking out of the window?

A: I swear we've been over this neighborhood watch thing a thousand times.

Q: Was this really necessary?

A: uhhh... The end. Thank you for reading this post.

Working IT IN the Garden

2010-09-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

This picture seems quite natural, but the truth is, none of us ever worked IT IN the garden.

In fact, we found this individual (Handsome Rob) working IT IN the garden when we were presumed to be away.

It was after incidences such as this that we decided to set up the neighborhood watch system. We couldn't have people working IT IN our garden any more, unless it was us.

Here is a picture we captured just after installing the neighborhood watch system. It appears to be a picture of Handsome Rob at it again with Dave's girlfr... uh, um, er... shoot. Sorry Dave.

Working OUT IN the Garden

2010-09-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

As college students, we were always keen on working on our fitness. We are firm believers in the old mantra "If you build it, she will come".

It just seemed logical to work OUT IN the garden. By doing so, we could often both use and consume calories at the same time. It's all about the multitasking when you're in college.

Working IN the Garden

2010-09-09T16:29:00.001-07:00

Dave working IN the garden

He's hard at work, even during the torrential watering season.

Research suggests that a workplace with natural light and plants can increase productivity by up to 28%.

Research also suggests that mustached garden pirates make excellent bosses (lack of a mustache decreases the rating to "above average").

Working ON the Garden

2010-09-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

Tyler working ON the garden.

Fortunately, this only happened every few days. Once the corn was screwed back in (Lock-tite applied), his work was complete for the night.

Working The Garden

2010-09-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Over the last week or so, we have received a number of requests. The most common is as follows: "I know you have posted plenty of pictures of the garden, different vegetables, and whatnot, but we would like to see a few more pictures of you working the garden."

We have tried diligently to figure out exactly what is meant by "working the garden". Our white boards are filled with calculations and our notebooks, once white, are now a solid shade of charcoal. And yet we remain entirely baffled. See, it seems that as children, we were raised up in a different world, yea, even one of prepositions. Therefore, we are able only to respond in a way that fits both our understanding and our upbringing.

Therefore, over the next couple weeks, we will be displaying pictures taken over the course of the summer with us 'working [preposition added] the garden'.

Today, we will showcase our most typical - Dave working IN the garden.

Truly a sight to behold.

Watch out World

2010-09-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

The storm has passed, the winds have blown over, and the cleanup is complete. It would seem as if life has returned to normal.

But honestly, we're not normal, nor are our lives. For most situations, I equate normal with boring, and life's too short to be boring. Sometimes you have to walk sideways when everyone else walks forward. Chances are, you'll see things they won't see, do things they won't do, and have experiences that they can only dream of.

Most people I know wouldn't fight to save a parking lot garden- but we did. We held our position and refused to back down.

Some say it was pride, others claim sheer madness. I say a little of both. Whether we are truly crazy or not, one thing is for sure: that fire that began to burn will not go out. We'll stand for the principles for which we believe, no matter the situation or application.

Watch out world, Don't Tread on Me!

Death Knows No Bounds

2010-08-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

What happened Wednesday night may not go down in the history books with Custer’s Last Stand or Battle of Bunker (Breeds) Hill, but that doesn’t mean it isn't worth recounting.

Let me give you a brief recollection of the events that occurred leading up to the death of our garden: the way it unraveled, the players involved, and the instances of abuse of common law, respect, and dignity.

It began with this email received one week ago:

I wanted to remind you that the garden must be removed from the Kensington parking lot by this Saturday. You may call a junk removal service if you don’t know how to remove it, if we have to have it removed or call the removal service we will charge you accordingly. The rates for the junk removal service that we use are min. of $87.00 and upward based on the cubic feet of items to be removed. Please make sure that this is done or the fee will come equally out of your deposit.

Abuse #1: Insult someone, their family or property without prior confrontation.

Jordan replied courteously and respectfully, citing the facts and feelings behind our intentions.

The reply was as follows:

Jordan,

Get rid of the junk

A reasonable individual would respect the last wishes of faithful tenants and family friends, but reason was not to be found.

In order to comply with the wishes of the condo owner, the garden was moved to a new location (video of this to come) where it affected neither parking, nor trash removal, nor the owner. It seemed a perfect solution, and most would agree. The gardeners wanted only to harvest the fruit of their labors, and expected it to be fully reaped and removed by next month’s end.

Immediately following the move, we notified the owners and made clear once again our intentions and pledged to fulfill our responsibilities in the future removal of the garden.

The following email came as a reply:

Tyler,

This is the last email that we will be sending to discuss the garden.

The garden is still placed on Kensington apartment property. It needs to be removed. If the garden is going to be taken care of by the residents of the house next door, they need to find a spot to place the garden. Therefore, the garden needs to be placed on their property somewhere. However, it must be removed from the Kensington property. If the residents of the other house decide that we will accept for responsibility for the garden, they need to notify us by sending an email stating their intentions to [owner] (respect dictates the courtesy to withhold names).

Since the issue has become such a strong point, we are setting the lines. If the garden is not removed tonight by 8 o'clock, we will be charging $750 to the renters. This $750 will be taken out of the rental deposits for David, Tyler, & Jordan in which case you will recieve no refund.

As I stated before, this is the last email that is going to be sent from us regarding the garden and other issues at hand. If you have any more concerns, please call me directly on my cell phone. However, we are going to be strict to enforce the removal of the garden by 8 o'clock tonight (August 23rd).

Abuse #2 Issue false threats with false fines, with blatant disrespect to the law

Fortunately, we are well aware of the dictates of contract law, and a quick perusal of the lease agreement afforded us the confidence that no fee could be charged or deposit held without damage to the premise (of which there would be none). If they would like to set lines, it would be more than welcome, but similar to a wave that washes away writing in the sand, so too would the law wash away their fines (and stick them with attorney fees for both sides and possible judgment of up to 5 times the inflicted damages).

On Monday night, the owner appeared with his posse of patrons. Like a man who ate respect for breakfast and disposed of it by natural means, his demeanor was uncouth at best. His face was gnarled and bristling; his eyes squinted with brows slanted and sharp. We approached him, satisfied that upon seeing the present location of the garden, reason would set in, and a mutual agreement would follow. We were content with creating a solution which met the demands of both mercy and justice. Unfortunately, mercy had long run away, and justice was nowhere to be found.

“Wednesday,” was the reply when we pled for additional time. “Wednesday” was all we received.

I can’t say that he is to blame for his actions. We’ve all had days that we wish would pass. A restless night, disagreements at work or with family, or even a long drive, cramped in the car (or relaxing in a luxurious Volvo SUV), can contribute to a lack of patience for normal things, and normal situations. Who knows but he is a reasonable, respecting man on a normal day.

Why the owner, who had children of his own, had treated us like groveling peasants on this day, we’re not sure, but we didn’t take well to it.

Tuesday morning, Tyler made a call to the home owner’s association. According to his report, the individual with whom he spoke was both courteous and understanding. He agreed to examine the situation and then make a decision. Quite possibly he was a scholar of science and the scientific process, or possibly he pursued the study of law, and formulated proofs before drawing a conclusion. Either way, he was a reasonable man, and very respectable. The following morning (Wednesday), Tyler received a call stating that all things considered, the garden would remain in its present location until September 30, at which date, it will need to be completely removed from the premises. It seemed a logical solution, which allowed time for the garden to pay out, and demanded responsibility of the gardeners in the end.

Soon after receiving the call, Tyler dialed up the owner to inform him of this approval and ask his blessing. Much to his disdain, the conversation quickly turned south. The owner seemed bitter and contentious and ended with these remarks, “I’m going to talk to [the association president]. I’m going to call him right now!”

Later that day, we received a call from the association president stating that the owner had demanded the garden be removed, and that he was sorry, but we would need to honor his request.

A lot of prayers previously offered on behalf of the owner were quickly reversed. A fire began to burn in our breasts, and if there was any tea nearby, we would’ve surely dumped it in our kitchen sink (we don’t drink tea).

At that point, we did what any true American would do – organize a resistance.

The gardeners reached out for help to those who would primarily be affected by the loss of the garden. They were asked to contact the owner directly and petition his mercy. They were all sharply denied. Then, the press was contacted. Local as well as national figures were contacted. The owner’s information was dispersed to those who had previously taken an interest in the garden, and to some who were informed for the first time. In a similar manner, these too were disregarded as dross.

Next, the story took an interesting twist. In moments of pure genius, ideas began flowing.

Friends were consulted, and intelligence was transmitted. The decision was made - we would sell the garden to a current owner, or at least a current tenant. We made some calls and our best attempt at reaching an owner, but time was in short supply, and so were the owners. We settled for a sale to a current resident, who happily obliged. A Bill of Sale was drafted and signed, and legal tender was exchanged.

Abuse #3 Disrespect for the personal property of others, yea, even intention to pilfer

After the transaction, Tyler called the owner to inquire about his intentions. He worried that an exchange of personal property (the garden) might have legal ramifications if someone were to remove (purloin) it without permission. He replied that it was no concern of his, to which Tyler expressed his apprehension that the county jail is not a pleasant place and that he likely would not be receiving many visits, or at least not from people in these parts. The conversation then quickly escalated, and the owner drew once again on his conversation with the home owner’s association and the fee that would be assessed if the garden was not removed. Tyler stood his ground, and with the law on his side, informed the owner that we were not intimidated by threats, and that if legal proceedings were needed, so be it. At that, the owner invited him to advance with the proceedings (his first demonstration of reason in the situation). We’d rather not pursue this route for the sheer time commitment involved, but we remain on alert for the day when our deposit is returned (or not) to see if this will be our path. I hear that Judge Judy reimburses expenses. She is quite reasonable, so I think we’d all get along. The conversation ended with courtesy. Both parties wished the other well and bid farewell until a later time (assumed that very evening).

Soon after, a planned protest was organized. Time was fleeting and organizers few. We did our best, and that’s all that matters. The owners were seen hovering around the area near the time of the planned protest.

Abuse #4 Hover with the intent of stopping free speech

Fortunately, the hovering was to no avail. As soon as they left, a handful of friends, supporters, and allies marched over and demonstrated peacefully against the unreasonable axis power. Carrots and celery were passed out, gnawed down, and eventually disappeared like the sun on our summer’s labors.

At this point, we realized that it was a battle worth fleeing for. That is, to say, the troops were tired and hungry, provisions were scant, and the prize… well, it wasn’t worth fighting for, anymore. We three gardeners looked at each other with the same look and acknowledged that

the garden’s time had come. It wasn’t that we were conceding defeat. Not a chance. Success had come from a summer of work, a summer of fun, and the enjoyed satisfaction of seeing it through, responsibly. Not everyone can dedicate themselves faithfully to something this demanding. We felt satisfied to ruminate on our labors, rejoice in our accomplishments, and relish our victory.

We carefully undid what we had so diligently done. The strawberries, onion, and zucchini, all still alive and well, would be transplanted to their new home nearby. The corn, tomatoes, and peppers said their final farewells. The carrots were harvested and placed neatly aside. The dirt was removed shovel by shovel, just as that first spring afternoon, but this time with a different sentiment in our hearts. Memories of the first day in April flooded our heads, as did recollections of our initial excitement and jubilee.

Mid-way through our shoveling, we were abruptly interrupted by the parking authority- University Parking Enforcement. If by any means, you think they are associated with the nearby university, you would be wrong. These are the soul-less type, the money-loving, and the evil-wishers. They care not for the people they “serve” and many good men have fallen prey to their bait. It’s surprising what a few greenbacks can do to an otherwise healthy soul. Fortunately for us, he (tow-truck operator) came unequipped to handle such a request for removal. The last words I heard as he drove out of sight was “What a waste of time!” and to all a good night.

We continued to shovel until the deed was done. Our parking lot garden was now gone, and all that was left was the empty truck-bed shell. We carried it slowly to its resting place. The procession of pallbearers marched methodically and silently.

I know what some of you are thinking – why didn’t you continue the fight? If the law was on your side, why give up? Couldn’t you just move it somewhere else?

In response, there comes a time when you have to grow up and move on. We chose simply to move on (physically and literally, though, we have moved and gone our separate ways).

In closing, I know this post was long and detailed, but in truth, there is so much more that happened. You may have suspected that this is the last post. If you did so, once again, you would be wrong (assuming you were previously wrong at some point in your life). Over the next few weeks, we will resume our usual banter, full of the typical jocularity and optimism. Like a movie whose credits are playing, you have to wait to see what happens at the end. Stay tuned. Really. We have some good stuff. Really.

What's This? What's This? There's syn-ropanethial-S-oxide in the Air.

2010-08-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

Who knew onions are introverts? Not I.

For nearly two months, the onions received all the attention that a vegetable could want: lights, cameras, water. The press gathered frequently around the bulbs and speculated about future success.

The onions were guarded carefully by the armed forces, and were enrolled in a disciplined regiment which required them to measure progress daily.

All this attention, it seems, just forced the onions back into their comfort zone (2-4 inches deep).

Weeks passed and no activity was noted.

Slowly the winds of attention blew over, the press moved on to more exciting stories (jackelopes and motorized couches), and the troops pulled out.

That's when the magic began.

We don't want to count our chemically-induced tear drops prematurely, but things are looking up (or down, depending on what part you eat) for the onions.

Certain Legislation

2010-08-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are a fan of "reality" shows where staged drama IS the plot, this post is dedicated to you.

Did I say staged? I meant... shoot.

[30 minutes have passed]

Unfortunately, my eraser didn't work on this screen, so anything I type is stuck here for the world to see (though I can't, because the screen is covered in eraser marks).

Anywho...

This footage was taken this past week just moments after we decided to drill down for carrots. The totem pole rattled off a warning, but the lure of "orange gold" was too much. The juice was flowing (yes, we own a Juiceman II), and all was well, up until the totem pole made a snide remark about the size of the carrots. Tyler's temper caught fire, yet his argument was sinking quickly. A skirmish ensued, and a certain wooden figurine took flight for a few glorious seconds. Hope was instilled for a brief moment, before gravity came off conqueror. (See below for interactive map of the spill)

As you can see, it crosses territorial lines, so we're not sure how that will pan out. At this point, we're just trying to avoid a lawsuit.

All the while, poor Dave was caught in the middle of all of this. He didn't pull the carrots, but it was his garden, after all.

No need to worry, though, we've already informed the authorities. Congress is set to show up next January to decide how to proceed from here. Tyler set aside 17 dollars to pay Native Americans for damages done to the wood-carving business, and Kevin Costner sold us a Shop-Vac to clean up the mess.

We estimate there is a 65% chance that 47% of us will be paying higher taxes, and who knows if there will be a moratorium on carrots, radishes, onions, and other deep-rooted plants for the next 6 months.

Either way, the carrots are back in the ground, and judging by the amount of dirt on top of them, we assume they'll stay there for a while.

Salsa - it's Spanish for Salsa

2010-08-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

For those overachievers in the world, let this be a lesson.

Literally, though, this post is a lesson on how to make home-made salsa.

Let's get right down to the meat of it:

Step 1: Have a garden (no further details needed)

Step 2: Harvest the necessary materials (see accompanying video)

Step 3: Mash all materials

Step 4: Pay accompanying fines to the FDA for improper food handling

Step 5: Grow another garden

Step 6: Harvest the necessary materials

Step 7: Implement FDA Food Code 2009

Step 8: Chop, Grind, Blend, etc.

Step 9: Act like an aristocrat, and enjoy

Step 10: Work it with the ladies

Gardeners by Trade, Pyrotechnicians by Birth?

2010-07-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

We're gardeners, that's for sure.

I wouldn't say it's what we do best, but it is what we do often.

We're also pyrotechnicians. I wouldn't say its what we do often, but it's what we do best.

The real question lies in this: Is it environment or is it genetics? It's a question we'd rather not debate here, so... it's genetics.

We decided to use our God given talents and our Y chromosome and take care of our dried out pea stalks and spinach trees.

The lighting:

Whoops. I mean, er, the Lighting:

Don't worry, the bucket was filled with diesel fuel, just in case.

You don't learn these skills. You are born with them.

If you still disagree, talk to my mother.

Does 'Renaissance' Have Two S's or One?

2010-07-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

This past week, we were honored to be graced by the presence and talent of Mrs Bernice Petersen, a local artist, gardener, and renowned chef (she makes the softest ginger snaps this side of the Mississippi). Indeed, she is what we would call a Renaissance woman. We invited her to participate in the painting of the garden, and were impressed when we discovered that she too has not one, but various parking lot gardens.

The owner of multiple apartments, she previously offered space to students for gardening. For some reason (laziness), no one ever took her up on the offer, and she finally decided to do the gardening herself. Much of the produce is graciously given to the tenants, who otherwise would be severely lacking in both thiamine and niacin, a tragedy we'd rather not discuss in these pages.

As discussed, Bernice arrived early in the morning. She knelt carefully on a blanket and painted swiftly. By the time I was dressed and ready to express my thanks, there was nothing left but a freshly painted garden, and a spoonful of fertilizer (she thinks of everything).

We couldn't have been more pleased with the outcome.

There may be some bias, but my personal favorite is this:

Thank you Bernice for your time and effort, and for contributing to the success of the garden. May your cookies continue to snap, your acrylic paintings crackle, and your pea pods pop, Rice Krispies.

BER - A Scientific Explanation

2010-07-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

BER (Blossom End Rot).

Although we were disheartened to see such a gardening nightmare, we were enthralled to learn of both the scientific explanation and suggested resolution.

So what is BER?

First of all, let me give a disclaimer that certain individuals have previously complained about the technical level of the aforementioned material. Therefore, for the sake of the ignoramuses, who we'll call Dave and Tyler to keep them anonymous. No, that is too obvious. We'll call them Tyler and Dave. Yes. For their sake, we have included a brainless explanation that can be understood by both infant and imbecile alike.

Now, back to BER:

This may result from low calcium levels or high amounts of competitive cations in the soil, drought stress, or excessive soil moisture fluctuations which reduce uptake and movement of calcium into the plant, or rapid, vegetative growth due to excessive nitrogen fertilization.

Explanation for Tyler and Dave:

Not enough calcium (a vitamin). They go bad and mushy and stinky (not good).

After consulting with the Soil Science Society of America (SSSA), we have determined that we need to provide some type of calcium to the garden. We have since begun to allocate one cup of skim milk for every tomato plant per watering period.

Why skim milk?

the colloidal globules assist in the development of a phospholipid membrane, encapsulating the casein protein micelles bonded with calcium phosphate, which tend to scatter shorter wavelengths than both low-fat and full-fat varieties, providing for digestion of a key protein lactoglobulin, which aids in the absorption and storage of calcium in the vacuole.

Tyler and Dave:

because it tastes like water anyways, so the plants won't know the difference.

Why one cup?

simply put, because the lifespan of a tomato is equal to that of a canine multiplied by a factor of .0892. Therefore a standard tomato plant, which is 16% as voluminous as the average Golden Retriever, will consume on average, an estimated 28% of the typical 1st world canine daily consumption, but needs an average of 14% more food per relative day than the canine due to increased exposure from lateral extensions of foliage, has proven to react favorably to supplemental calcium when nutrients exceed the cubed root of the inverse of the tomato stem girth multiplied by estimated fruit circumference. Therefore, 1 cup is the logical amount to satisfy the Recommended Daily Value.

Tyler and Dave:

it's the only measuring cup we own.

Now that everyone understands well enough, we will give it a try and return and report.

Grass-Chompers Be Warned!

2010-07-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

For those who wonder about the punishment of said crime:

Enough said.

Farewell, My Little Ones

2010-07-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

It's time we said adieu.

"Adieu," said we.

So, moving on, let us continue to amuse with this riveting footage of destruction and mayhem.

And if that didn't wet your appetite for carnage, try this on for size

Um... yes, just disregard that one.

What I meant to say was this:

So, you may be wondering why. Let me entreat you to the answer. Weiner dogs.

Now back to the video.

Our peas lived a long and fruitful (are peas a fruit? probably not) life. They have since become nothing more than a fading memory of good times past.

Likewise went the spinach.

As for the flames - well, while pulling out the peas, Dave quickly discovered that a neighborhood spider had laid eggs. We were fortunate enough to catch them in the hatching period (fortunate for us, not for them).

Adieu peas. Adieu spinach. Good riddance spiders.

Adieu.

Don't Cry for Me

2010-07-07T21:32:00.001-07:00

Onions.

"The easiest thing to grow."

Say no more. We're cursed already.

So a couple weeks back, I was given some onions from my co-worker Laurie.

Her exact words were "These are the easiest thing to grow. Stick them in the ground and they come up."

Well stick them in the ground, we did.

Not only did we stick them in the ground, but we marked their height for future reference, and placed a drone worker there to manage the soil (or de-mine it, whichever seemed most prudent to him). We also placed a time-lapse camera to capture the onion's growth.

Fourteen days later, we checked the film. Sadly, the only things caught on tape is footage of us marking the same spot each day on the measuring stick (don't worry Dave, we won't mention anything about the film of you playing with the army men, and we certainly won't mention the whimpering noises you made after a "worm bit you"). How this has happened, we're not sure. Even more disquieting is that the worker looks like he hasn't moved. What we're paying him for, I'm not sure, but I doubt he deserves it.

Now we're not sure where to go from here. Our tear ducts are full and ready to be used, but we just need something to cry about. (please see the newest poll)

It's Not All Fame and Fortune

2010-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to our failures.

That's right, we're not perfect. Truth is, we have failed almost as many times as we have succeeded. To prevent incrimination, we won't say exactly who has been responsible for most of the failures. To keep it anonymous, we'll just call him T. Newton. No, that is too obvious. How about Tyler N?

Either way, here is a description of some of our more popular failures:

We originally filled 10 cups of dirt and planted 2 seeds in each. Of the 20 total seeds, we had two cucumbers and 1 pepper that came up. The other cups sat on our kitchen table for almost 3 months before we tossed them last week.

The cucumbers were transplanted outside on May 30. We proudly hovered over them that evening, discussing our genius and future fortunes. As we retired for the night, we were visited with dreams of cucumber fairies and pickled pixies.

For the 12 hours of their transplanted lives, they lived honorably.

Here's what they looked like after the snowfall.

By the next day, they had disappeared completely.

Now back to the last standing sprout: the green pepper.

While veiled in the robes of mourning for our lost cukes, we forgot to water the pepper and it suffered a slow and hot death in the window sill.

How about the other seeds we planted, such as sunflowers, broccoli, and banana peppers? Your guess is as good as ours. Twice we planted sunflowers, and twice we were skunked. Our broccoli and peppers never sprouted, and we soon dug a furrow through their resting grounds. I think they preferred a burial at sea.

And let's not forget the time we advertised our garden as "organic". The feds were on us like rats on a holiday fruitcake. Within 24 hours, the USDA showed up and shut us down. They issued a mandatory moratorium, claiming we lacked the necessary hive of ladybugs as required by law to maintain an "organic" label. Oh we had a hive... in fact, both ladybugs had been hand-placed in the garden. Who knew you had to register the queen bug with the USDA? (Don't worry, we resolved this one without AARP intervention).

Although we've had our share of failures, we must say that our fame and fortune has far exceeded our expectations.

In fact, our fortune now totals 12 cents (37 cents for a picture sold on eBay; however, we forgot to account for the cost of printing and envelopes - 25 cents, and yet another failure).

Our fame is basically nationwide as well. In fact, here is the link:

www.heraldextra.com

Scroll down to "Local News Video" and click on the DHTV Parking...

Paint the Garden Fundraiser Extravaganza

2010-07-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much sums it up. Any time you use the word 'extravaganza', you are just leaving it open to whatever happens. That's exactly how we do things. It gives people some hope of something exciting, but if we fail, no one is too disheartened.

We began our fundraiser with our own significant donation to Tyler's fresh-emptied piggy bank.

It's what the founders would have wanted.

The event began around 9 pm.

To be honest, everything came together just hours before we started.

We recruited Kaden Shepherd as our (semi) professional skateboarder.

A ramp was found with a couple hours to spare (thanks Jill for your efforts).

After that, the rest was history.

Here are some pictures.

The event was full of interesting things:

The couches (motorized) made an appearance, and faked everyone out by pretending to attempt the jump.

Santa Clause showed up and bestowed everyone with presence (spelling intentional).

The jump was great. Kaden cleared it fine, and didn't even catch on fire.

The raffle was also successful. Not only did we raise enough to paint the garden liner, but we raised enough to donate to the local food bank.

And did I mention we had great raffle prizes...

She just won a leaf of fresh-cut spinach. If I remember right, her first words were "I'm going to Disneyland!" Say hi to Pluto for me.

He won a leaf of lettuce. I wonder what he'll do with it all.

Most importantly, we'd like to thank everyone that came out. Our goal was to make it a relatively painless experience, and we mostly succeeded.

Thanks to Ashley, Karin, Jill, Kaden, Clyde & Jana, and the city police for not shutting us down too early.

Believe in your dreams (a tear just fell from my eye).

A Goner

2010-06-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

Yep, our plants are a goner.

Three days of direct sunlight, radiated parking lot heat, and the midnight uv lamps have finally conspired to take down the object of their jealousy.

Fortunately, we had practiced "flopping" with certain vegetables, just like they do in the World Cup. The lettuce was by far the most believable, but the peppers pulled through under pressure (no red cards were given, so all vegetables will remain).

Flopping

Not Flopping

Acting.

Not Acting.

I know, its dirty. But we do what we have to for the win.

Actually, the plants were just a bit thirsty. These pictures were taken within 24 hours. It's amazing what a good soaking will do for the wilted plants (and the bum that came asking for money).

We were going to wait to announce this, but this Wednesday, we will be staging a slight fundraiser for the garden. We are going to stand by our philosophy of "free, fresh, fresher, freshershist or forget it". We need to raise 15 dollars to paint the outside of the garden. We have found an artist willing and able, but we need to provide the paint. 15 big ones should cover it.

Stay tuned for more details.

Gardens Well

2010-06-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

Let me give you a brief physics lesson. F=d/dt*(mv).

No one really knows what that means, and certainly no one cares, except maybe Sir Newton.

Now, back to the garden.

For some time, we have been following the watering schedule of famed gardener E. Gordon Wells Jr. Last night, Dave pointed out that the name "Gordon Wells" sounds a lot like "gardens well". We're just saying... you can deduce the rest.

To be honest, Gordon has influenced much about our parking lot garden. After discovering his book, we have learned a number of things about roots, pollination, and irrigation, among other topics.

This past week, we decided to give Mr. Wells a call. Our goal was to have him grace our presence at a garden-side discussion.

After drawing pea pods, Tyler's had the fewest peas, and he was relegated to make the call. It's not very often he gets to talk to a superstar like that. Let me just say that it was a daunting task for him. For half an hour, he listened to "The Eye of the Tiger", "You Raise Me Up", and "The Safety Dance" (beats me) until he was sufficiently confident to make the call. I hadn't seen him this nervous since the last time he talked to a girl (fortunately, she was deaf, and couldn't hear him anyways).

The conversation started out well:

"Hello, Mr. Wells?" (voice cracks)

"Yes... can you hold on a second, my wife is killing my plants"

The rest is history. Over the next half hour, Tyler learned three important things from Gordon:

1. They are related.

2. Mr. Wells is very busy.

3. There are at least 27 varieties of tomatoes, because that is how many Gordon is currently growing.

Rather than forcing Gordy to speak at our garden, we decided to let him do what he does best: garden. Any further attempt at acquiring some of his scarce time will have to be through some type of barter.

As it turns out, Tyler and Gordon are related through the niece of Sir Isaac. Gordon's history stops there. Tyler's continues. We're hoping that this research can be used as leverage with Mr. Wells. Now who will be dangling a carrot over who? (yet to be determined, because I think Gordon uses Miracle Gro on his carrots).

To be continued...

P.S. we forgot to water our garden, and it died.

O Glorious Peas!

2010-06-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

A picture is worth a thousand words... but this one is worth 37 cents on eBay.

No, really: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140420762942#ht_500wt_1154

For those who don't know how to shell (I prefer the term shuck) peas, this is one of the better instructional videos I've seen. Note the wrist turn at 0:03. It's good form. Darn good.

Dave says:

Peas to your mother.

Caught on Tape

2010-06-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure what to make of this video. At first, I thought we captured some type of garden vandalism. This wouldn't be the first time (see May 30 post). After closer inspection, it appears that the perpetrator may have done the damage inadvertently. After even closer inspection, and with the help of McGruff the Crime Dog, we discovered that the perpetrator looks a lot like Jordan. We decided to let this case slide.

Swag

2010-06-21T20:23:00.001-07:00

Recently, we have been the benefactors of some serious swag in the garden. For those of you unfamiliar with the term 'swag', it means "stuff we all get".

Now, I should probably re-title this post. 'Swag' is not the proper term. It would more correctly be titled "Swawwg", a common acronym for "stuff we all wish we got". In reality, we have been 'hooked up', as the youngsters say, and our garden has become somewhat of a collectors plot for unusual, yet overlooked treasures.

Take the totem pole for example.

Hand-carved to perfection, this indian treasure popped up behind our garden a couple days ago. It stands about 5 feet tall, and has a wingspan of 4 feet, three inches. Impressive for the Polesky Bird (genus Totemna), which typically matures with a wingspan of 3 feet.

Just tonight, we were graced with the presence of the contributors: Amy, Haley, and Jackie. Bless their donating-hearts, we look forward to seeing more of their smiling faces.

Additionally, the garden was recently bestowed with a life-like memorial of the Vietnam War.

If that was it, we would be satisfied, but on Saturday, we walked outside and saw this (feast your eyes on this tasty treat):

It is our very own parking lot garden guard. We haven't worked out renumeration just yet, but I think he will do most of the dirty work for free. It's the weeding we'll have to pay him for.

As for the garden, we claim no success of our own so far. Thank you to all who have contributed - signs, seedlings, and standing guards, to name a few. We can't do it without you.

Signs of Success

2010-06-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me just say that our garden is on fire (I'll post pictures after the flames go out).

Over the past week, just about everything has blossomed: strawberries, tomatoes, my love for my roommate's sister, and peas.

Additionally, without our prior discovery,

not only are our peas blossoming, but we have pods!

Even more exciting than the pods (almost), we finally commissioned some artists to paint our signs. Jordan painted the yellow one, his associate, Rachael, the purple one.

If you ask me, they were worth every penny... both of them (the pennies, not the artists).

Jill, our neighbor, contributed this marvelous sign, which came straight from Road 11 WA. She makes me happy. Jill, that is.

It came as somewhat of a surprise, but within a few hours of posting the sign, we received a notice from the city council stating that we were required to register with the department of agriculture and apply for a rezoning of the area. We'll have to talk to the property managers about this, but we'll start on the paperwork.

Sticks and Stones

2010-06-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

If you are a person: Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. If you are a plant: Hail-stones will break your stems, but sticks will save your grass.

On Friday, we received an alert from the National Weather Service on our direct line (thanks Kyle). Our Morse Code skills were a bit rusty, and we struggled at first to decode the message. We caught something about Mother Carey's Chickens, and after some deciphering, realized that a hail storm was in the forecast. Tyler immediately forwarded the message via Morse Code to Jordan, alerting him of the impending danger. After two hours of deciphering, Jordan noticed hail coming down outside, and rushed out to cover the plants. By taking quick action, and after reducing a neighborhood tree to nothing but sticks, Jordan was able to save our garden.

This was the final product. As you can see, the plants were safely huddled under the canopy.

It may have been my imagination, but I could've sworn I heard a round of "Kumbaya" coming from under the canopy.

Impressed by the excellent knot-tying and precision stick-planting of Jordan, Dave and Tyler appointed him to work on the peas, which have recently overtaken the neighboring lettuce.

Through a series of hooks and ladders, chutes and strings, and widdles and doddles, he has given new life to the lettuce, and contained the burgeoning peas.

Most importantly, we have avoided a tragedy, and our garden now looks more like a South American rain forest than a parking lot garden. By surviving the storm (which probably wouldn't have hurt anything anyways), we have preserved our blossoming plants and paved the way for a plentiful harvest.

Here is the most recent aerial view of our tropical forest.

The Other Guys

2010-06-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

Now this blog would be incomplete without a shout out to the "other guys". I'm not talking about Canadians, I'm talking about my neighbors, who began a garden soon after us.

Bless their hearts, they saw our gardening joy and wanted the same. They worked diligently to clear an area on the side of their house, and carefully planted their flowers and plants.

From day 1 they were faced with 3 serious challenges:

1. Stumps

2. Minimal sunlight

3. Lack of Mustached Garden Pirates

These are nearly unsurmountable challenges, but they plowed ahead nonetheless. Sadly, though overcoming the first two roadblocks, it was the third that delivered the fatal blow. Sure enough, within a few days of planting, every tomato and pepper planted were eaten by the deer. It was the same deer, in fact, that attacked our garden before the Pirate held them off.

Yes, that is right, it was a deer that ate our plants. Thank you to all that voted. It seems we received more votes than a county primary election (14 in all). Although we initially thought that McGruff the Crime Dog had something to do with it, he has since been exonerated, and we actually hired him to unravel the case. For your information, we have included his report below :

"It was 3:23 A.M on May 22, 2010. A cool breeze picked up, and the scent of fresh plants pricked the nose of a passing deer. A doe, experienced in life and hardened in crime was the culprit this fine spring morning. At first, she eyed carefully the newly planted garden (our neighbors), and without any resistance, did it in. Then, as though setting her eyes on the Holy Grail of Gardens, she snorted softly, and stared lustfully at the motherload - a truck-bed liner, set in a manufactured backdrop of cars and buildings. The veteran criminal hesitated briefly at the sight of the pirate's mustache, but approached the parking lot garden with full criminal intent.

Within moments, the Early Girl Tomato and Zucchini were maimed and dying. The Chile and Green Peppers were injured, as was the Roma. A skirmish ensued, and the mustache... er, pirate emerged victorious." (McGruff & Co, Case 14251B, Section 14.1)

That was the report. Sounds fairly legitimate to me, but what do I know? I still think it was pretty thorough for only 27 dollars.

The deer has since been reported for two other infractions, and was recently featured on America's Most Wanted: America Fights Back (no leads yet, but cross your fingers).

We initially thought ants were at fault, and laid down a hefty load of ant poison donated by my grandpa (see picture). That took care of any ants, who had taken a few bites of our spinach, and gave Jordan a stomach ache when he forgot to wash his hands before eating some jelly beans. It is a small price to pay for security.

In the end, we are happy our garden survived the encounter, and in truth, our heart goes out to the "other guys". All I can say is: better luck next year, other guys.

One for Us, One for Them

2010-06-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

For many, the dreams of harvesting from their own garden are just that... a dream. For us, that dream came true this week (I'm still waiting to see if the one about the talking corn ears comes true. We'll keep you posted).

As it turns out, the old saying is correct: you reap what you sow (well, with the exception of the asparagus, which just popped up overnight, but we all know how that turned out).

This week we reaped our first batch of salad.

This is Tyler, harvesting the lettuce. He looks pretty darn excited.

This instructional video is included to showcase exactly how to harvest spinach, in case you were wondering.

This was the first of about 10 salads that we had this week. Others were decorated with non-parking-lot-garden vegetables, but we can't show you those due to copyright infringement laws.

Now if you're wondering about the title, let me explain.

Like every citizen of this great nation, we like to give back. However, we don't appreciate it when the giving back is done under duress or without permission.

This week we discovered that something is eating our plants (please participate in the poll on the top right of the blog to help us figure out what it is). In one night, we lost a tomato and the zucchini to something. We went out for the daily check-up and all the leaves were gone. The zucchini is coming back, but the tomato may be gone for good.

While we don't mind sharing, we believe that those who partake should also offer to work in the garden, which is why we are conscripting every rabbit, deer, mouse, cat and critter we find until we know who the culprit is.

SNOW!

2010-06-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Woke up to this.

Ideal for Memorial Day skiing.

Not ideal for Memorial Day parking lot gardening.

2010-05-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

If you can't tell, we really want to be caught up so we can post on the most recent events.

This is a quick post of chronological events in our parking lot garden. Stay tuned in the near future for more videos, interactive posts, and other treats.

Here's the low down of what occurred:

1. Tyler was given a zucchini from Cam at work.

2. We transplanted the zuke and two cukes outside into pots.

(thriving)

3. Our daffodil gave up the ghost, and we gave it the axe.

4. Jordan's brother donated 4 peppers, and laid them to rest in their new stomping grounds.

5. Our broccoli is not broccoli, it is spinach, and it is also thriving.

6. We learned that daffodils are perennials, whatever that means.

7. A blast of warm air hit our little garden, and corn popped up.

8.We've put out a search warrant for the suspect of this video, who was caught on camera running his hand through our lettuce and peas.

9. No one has yet been apprehended, but Dave is a prime suspect.

More Activity than an Old Folk's Home

2010-05-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Now, for the sake of catching up, we're going to try to list all our recent activity, and believe me, it is extensive. You'd be surprised what can happen in two weeks (through 5/15).

To begin with, we planted our strawberries. Not only did we plant them, but within the week, we harvested our first berry. We cut it in thirds and shared it's deliciousness. It was a moment I will never forget. Ever.

Two days later, we spotted a bird chowing down on a red berry, and decided enough was enough. We figured that we needed something scary enough to keep both bird and woman away from the garden. Fortunately, our neighbor Kyle had just the thing:

Yes, its a Mustached Garden Pirate (in case you didn't recognize it)

The pirate aspect is for the birds, and the mustache for the ladies (no threats to date from the womenfolk). The next day we lost another two berries to the birds.

Our buddy Andy ("the man who can") volunteered two "signs", which I believe were part of a bathtub packing system. To date they remain blank. We are still looking to commission (for free) an artist.

Our lettuce was embarrassed due to the success of it's neighboring peas, so we planted a few plgrows of carrots to give it something to look down on. If you are wondering, the garden is about 18 inches deep, so carrots should grow in nicely.

As shown in the picture above, we implemented a professional irrigation system. Yes, we dug a furrow, with a measuring cup. The professional system did not come without costs, though. In fact, we decided to dig it right through the middle of our non-growing peppers, which were probably consumed by the worms in our soil (a small price to pay for natural aeration).

On both sides of the furrow we planted some plgrows of corn, and a few sunflowers.

The next week, we grew impatient and planted our tomatoes. We tested the irrigation system (works like a dream), and marveled at our broccoli coming up in the back right section. Life is good in the parking lot garden.

Nothing Better than Free

2010-05-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

It was 4/27. It was 11:11. I made a wish. Just then, Cam, my co-worker, himself an avid (2nd year) gardener, turned to me and said "Are you getting the free tomato and strawberry plants?"

Now I'll be honest. This was not exactly what I had wished for... that day. But truly, 3 days previous, I had wished (at 11:11, or sometime between there and high noon) for more free plants for the garden. What this says about the timing of your 11:11 wishes is yet to be determined, but I'll just say that I'm going to keep my eye out for a 5-lb sack of SourPatch Kids in the next few days.

I listened for more details, and before the day was through, the parking lot garden crew had gathered 5 strawberry and 6 tomato plants through the wise use of coupons and networking.

Here is the complete list of the spoils:

3 x Eversweet Strawberries

2 x Quinalt Strawberries

2 x Better Boy Tomatoes

2 x Grape Tomatoes

1 x Roma Tomato (a bonus gift because it was slightly tattered and homely)

1 x Early Girl Tomato

We placed them inside, next to our 10 cups o' soil and seeds (planted on 4/21). We planted 9 cups of peppers, 1 cup of cucumbers, to be exact.

There is a good vibe coming from our kitchen table, and possibly some worms.

April 24 - 7 Days of Wonder

2010-05-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

After the whole "daffodil" incident, we decided that we needed to sharpen our seedling recognition skills. We watched carefully for an entire week in the areas we had planted (far right), so that when something first sprouted, we would know exactly what it was.

After 7 straight days of watching our garden, two things happened:

1. Peas and lettuce sprouted and grew.

2. We were fired from our jobs for not showing up.

But it was worth it. Our skills are now superb.

April 17 - Green Shoots

2010-05-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

Within days of our planting, we were surprised to find something actually growing (unlike the asparagus, which caused us much heartache on day 4 when it began to wilt, and we realized it had not grown naturally). These were true green shoots.

The following represents our scientifically deduced conclusions as to the nature of the shoots:

Dave: Grass

Tyler: Onion-ish

Jordan: Rutabega

By day 7, the daffodil was nearly in bloom, and we all learned how little we knew about plants.

As it turns out, it was planted by our neighbor Eric, who is indeed a great American. Bless his heart for planting the lone daffodil to brighten our homely parking lot garden.

April 10 - The Seeding

2010-05-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

As soon as our backs recovered from all the shoveling, we set to work planting the seeds.

We decided on the following:

2 1/2 plgrows of peas

1 plgrow of spinach

1 plgrow of red leaf lettuce

1 plgrow of broccoli

1 plgrow of banana peppers

Definitions:

row: a planted line of produce, approximately 50-500 ft in length.

plgrow: a planted line of produce, approximately 2-4 ft in length, usually in a parking lot garden.

As we woke up on the 11th, much to our surprise, our garden was already paying off. As seen in the picture, the un-planted asparagus had sprouted and was ready to eat.

Planting Season

2010-05-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Planting season was upon us. It was early April, and so far we had no garden. No pots, no dirt, no seeds... nothing.

For two weeks, we had discussed casually how we could make our "parking lot garden", but to date, no action had been taken. Wooden boxes, wheelbarrows, wagons, cars and truck beds had all been discussed, but no decision had been made.

We were sitting around watching TV on a Saturday morning, and the garden was mentioned once more. Well that was it. No longer was I about to sit around talking about this garden. I pulled up the local classified pages and began searching. Less than a minute into my search, I spotted it - a free truck-bed liner. I called the individual, arranged a time, and within the hour, we were off to get our free truck-bed liner.

We met the man at his house, and learned about the various uses for truck-bed trailers. Too bad they were out of our price range (free or less), or we would have had a portable garden. Satisfied, though, we hauled off the truck-bed liner and headed home. We drove about a block before we started asking, "now where are we going to get dirt?" No sooner had we spoken, I noticed a trailer on the side of the road piled high with dirt. We pulled over and approached the nearest home. A Latin woman in her mid-40s opened the door, and in our best Spanish, we asked about her plans for the dirt. She encouraged us to load up. Fortunately, we had borrowed some shovels, and took turns shoveling until our truck bed was full.

We arrived back at our apartment about 2 hours after our departure, and immediately began by unloading the truck-bed liner in our parking stall. As an apartment, we were allotted one parking stall behind the complex and one underground. It was obvious which one the plants would prefer. We shoveled for another half-hour and managed to find a rake hidden behind a nearby apartment.

Finally, after a half-day's work, we stood back and admired the beginnings of our "parking lot garden". (Dave in black, Jordan in white, Tyler in blue).

How It All Began

2010-05-16T18:23:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering: "how did this come about?" It's not likely, because you're still trying to figure out what "this" is, but sit back and let me tell you.

It began in May of 2009. I had just received a "leftover" tomato plant from my parents, who are avid gardeners. Living in an apartment at college, there was little space (none to be exact) and very little (zero) natural light needed for a tomato plant to thrive. So I decided to take a risk.

I carefully transplanted the tomato into a pot, and placed it outside behind the apartment complex. Within days, I was astonished to come upon the plant lying sideways on the grass. Dirt was spilled out and the main stalk of the plant was broken and dangling. I was startled, but quickly gathered myself and the poor tomato, and placed it back where it belonged. I took a small piece of duct tape and wrapped it cautiously around the broken stalk.

A few days passed and I continued watering and caring for the plant. Much to my disdain, as I approached the plant one warm summer morning, I found what appeared to be an onion, buried deep in the soil next to my plant. Clearly someone's idea of a joke, I found no humor in the situation. I pulled the onion from the pot and tossed it as far as I could.

It was at this point that I began to wonder: does this plant stand a chance? If so, what can I do to discourage practical jokes and carelessness towards my tomato?

Then it came to me - make it a neighborhood affair. I began by moving the traumatized plant to the other side of the road, in front of a building occupied by female students. I attached a sign that read as follows: "WARNING, this tomato is equipped with a neighborhood watch system!" Then, I began to talk. Any time I saw people examining my plant, I walked out and started a conversation regarding the life of my plant, it's current status, and the lofty goals I had planned for its fruits. I often carried a bottle of Fiji water (or tap water in a Fiji bottle), and explained that it was "only the finest" for my plants. Interestingly enough, people changed. The plant was finally taken seriously, and was given an opportunity for a normal life.

That's when the miracle occurred. The tomato plant began to grow. Whether it was the sudden boost in confidence from all the women-folk inquiring about its status, or the increased amount of sunlight, water, and Miracle-Gro (probably the latter), it took root and took off. Within a couple of weeks, the blossoms had turned into small green tomatoes, that seemed to grow almost daily.

And so it was. For the rest of the summer, the plant became a means of starting a conversation, of making friends, and of enjoying my salads. True, the German Queen tomatoes looked more like Cherries, but they were nonetheless delicious and coveted by all.

Jump forward 11 months. I had just finished recounting this brief history to two of my roommates- Dave and Jordan. Both had a look in their eyes of excitement and I could see that the wheels were turning in their heads. "We need a garden," I said.

"Where?" was the response.

"I don't know, but it needs to be bigger," I said.

"How about in the parking lot?"

"In the parking lot."

The Parking Lot What?

2010-05-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

What is that? Are you serious? Where did this come from? Why would anyone do such a thing? Are those plants? Are those real plants? I can't believe someone would actually do that. I can't believe it's not butter.

This is but a sampling of the many comments we hear daily from passer-byers of the "parking lot garden" (okay, so the last one may have been added for effect). The truth is, we have discovered that watching people's reactions is almost as satisfying as having our own garden. Almost.